When I coach women in Feminine Energy Dating, one of the tools we use is for them to go out there and date – a lot! I encourage the women to put themselves out there and meet as many men as they can, dating them and seeing what feels good for them. It can be a strange and scary process, but it is also empowering and strengthening and sets them on the right path to their own Happy Ever After.
However one of the issues that raises its head over and over again is just how hard it is for women to say no. We are conditioned by society from such a young age to say yes, be polite, and so on that women traditionally find it very hard to say no even when we really want to. So we say yes. Yes to dates we don’t want to go on. Yes to dinner when we’d prefer to meet for coffee as a first date. Yes to venues we don’t really like, on days when we would rather be doing something else. Yes to driving to a man because he asks us to.
Why is it so hard? Do we feel socially obliged? Do we think we will put a man off? Are we worried about hurting the man’s feelings? Do we have a deep seated belief that this is all we deserve? It’s all of these things and many many more. This is why I work with women to break these patterns, and to instil in them the confidence that is already there, inside them, and to use that confidence to go out there and not just find your Happy Ever After, but to ASK for it.
To get a Happy Ever After, and not just for you but for your partner as well, it has to be 100% right for both of you. We cannot and should not compromise. Yet as a sex, women tend to. We compromise. We acquiesce. And we shouldn’t, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and our ultimate happiness.
So what do we need to do? We need to learn how to say NO. Saying no doesn’t have to have negative connotations. You’re not being impolite, or rude, you’re simply choosing not to do something. Take this as an example. You’re on a date with a man, just a simple coffee as it’s the first time you’ve met. What do you do? I coach women to try when they’re in this situation to go off to the bathroom for a moment and practise what you’ll say when it’s time to say goodbye. Try something like “Thanks for a lovely afternoon, and for the coffee but I don’t want to meet up again.” It’s hard! It’s not an easy thing to do when we long to be polite and say yes, so we don’t hurt any feelings.
However what’s the alternative? Leaving at the end of the date he says “I had a great time, let’s do this again!” and you say “Erm ok!”. You will then spend the next week making excuses and stressing when your phone rings in case it is him calling to make the next date that you have no intention of going on. You’re not being your authentic self and it doesn’t feel good. You’re going to go on a lot of dates, naturally some of them will go nowhere. Don’t be afraid to be honest. Don’t be afraid to say “thanks so much for today but it wouldn’t feel good for me to meet up again.” Be honest, authentic and own your decision.
No doesn’t have to be a scary, negative word. It is a powerful tool that we need to use. So take it back. Harness it. And don’t ever be afraid of the power of NO.